Help for Undecided Voters

Just in case you are undecided on the next election, here’s a little help for you. I don’t normally post things that are forwarded in e-mails, but my good buddy, Rob, sent me this one and I couldn’t pass it up.

Are you a Democrat, a Republican, or a Southerner?

Here is a little test that will help you decide. The answer can
be found by posing the following question:
You’re walking down a deserted street with your wife and two
small children.
Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a huge knife comes around
the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises
the knife, and charges at you. You are carrying a 40 caliber Glock, and you
are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your
family. What do you do?

Democrat’s Answer:
Well, that’s not enough information to answer the question!
Does the man look poor or oppressed?
Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to
Could we run away?
What does my wife think?
What about the kids?
Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife
out of his hand?
What does the law say about this situation?
Does the Glock have an appropriate safety built into it?
Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message
does this send to society and to my children?
Is it possible he’d be happy with just killing me?
Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just
to wound me?
If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get
away while he was stabbing me?
Should I call 9-1-1?
Why is this street so deserted?
We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day, and make this
a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.
This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some
friends for few days and try to come to a consensus.

Republican’s Answer:

Southerner’s Answer:
BANG! Click….. (Sounds of reloading)
BANG! Click
Daughter: ‘Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester
Silver Tips or Hollow Points?’
Son: “Can I shoot the next one?”
Wife: “You’re not takin’ that to the Taxidermist!”

Editorial note: This post is tongue-in-cheek and is not intended to make fun of Southerners, Republicans or Islamic terrorists.


9 responses to “Help for Undecided Voters

  1. I am glad that Jim Elliot and Nate Saint were not republicans or southerners when they resisted the temptation to kill their Waodani attackers in 1956 as their deaths opened the a door for the gospel to be preached to the Waodani.

    Sorry for bringing a Christian story into the political stereotype Gordon.. well.. not really 🙂

  2. KB, we Southerners may take our guns a lot of places, but we generally leave them at home when doing missions work. 😉

  3. That’s a good one, I must say.

  4. Hi Bro. Gordon,

    Being a southerner the only thing I would say is stop ? Then shoot if he didn’t ?

    Being with my luck the way it is then I would probably get arrested cause He had a rubber toy knife and the fact He didn’t understand english ?


  5. Gordon,
    I enjoyed that one. By the way I would probably fit in more closely with the Republican, then ask the questions.

  6. He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most high shall have no fear of the “TERROR” in the night.
    Thought I would give a different answer.

  7. Ha! You want a “different” answer? How ’bout option #4?

    “Grab your kids and try to outrun your wife.”

    (Not that I would choose that one of course!)

  8. OUCH, Nephos! Did you sleep well on the couch the other night?

    Now, as a northerner, I have to choose # 5:
    Don’t tell anyone I have the gun. Have the gun fitted with a silencer so when I shoot, none will be the wiser. Pray for figiveness. Then take the knife and use it to on some serious black bear meat.

  9. Well, I can certainly tell from these comments that my readership is diverse and creative.

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