Retrospect in Green

   I have heard that a good way to clear your thoughts is to put them down on paper. Since my thoughts are mostly virtual, I will attempt to write them on virtual paper. This may or may not make sense, I just need to get them out there.

   I was faced with the revelation that Earth Day has come and gone and I did not celebrate it, how irresponsible of me. I must confess that I am not the “greenest” individual on the planet. The last time I hugged a tree was when I was climbing one as a kid. I slipped and nearly fell out of one and hugged it like my very life depended on it.

    Don’t get me wrong. I love trees. They are beautiful, they contribute to the welfare of the planet. I respect them for that. I admire their stateliness and always wave at them when they leave. (Get it? Trees? Leave…never mind.) They also provide habitat for squirrels and other animals.

   I try to be conscious about conserving water, too. I turn the water off when I’m brushing my teeth. I thought about going with just one bath per week but then I realized that there are other environmental factors at stake besides water.

   In short, I try my best to be a good citizen of the blue planet. But I am learning that there are others who are trying harder. As it turns out, McDonald’s (yes, the restaurant chain) is fast becoming a global pacesetter in environmental awareness and political correctness conservation efforts.

   Try this on for size. The next time you enter the Golden Arch Supper Club and order a Big Mac, you can eat in the peaceful assurance that the miniscule amount of ground beef that is mixed with soy product to form the two patties did not come from a cow that was raised in a pasture where there once was a rainforest. Neither will they feed you chicken that ate soybeans from fields that were formerly rainforest.

   In addition, they boast that their paper and cardboard products are from recycled material. I don’t know about you, but my earth sense just gets to feeling all warm and fuzzy to think that my lunch is wrapped in somebody else’s garbage.

   Now I have a couple of points that perhaps the brain trust at Mickey Dees might like to ponder. How many thousands of cubic yards of garbage is produced each year by those Happy Meal toys that tear up between your parking lot and the house?

   Another item to consider is cholesterol. Now I know that they are offering a more health-conscious menu lately, but is that because of genuine concern for providing a healthy environment or because they suddenly realized that customers who die from eating a heart-attack-on-a-bun can’t come back and buy lunch the next day? I think they realized that something must be done or else they would have to clear out a rainforest to make room for a new cemetary. I can’t help but wonder if “billions and billions served” is referring to burgers or grams of cholesterol.

   Then there is this whole thing of global warming. One hears so many conflicting reports  that one hardly knows what to believe (and that’s just from Al Gore). I was beginning to get concerned about this matter, but then I read this report and my fears are somewhat abated. It seems that major league baseball players hit considerably fewer home runs last month than they did in April of last year. The referenced report attributes this to the fact that the average temperature in baseball cities in April was over four degrees cooler than in the previous two years.  (Of course it could be because the hitters are finally getting off of the go-go juice.)

   So there you have it, my tribute to Earth Day. I’m going to go celebrate with a Big Mac, fries and shake.


12 responses to “Retrospect in Green

  1. Good stuff. Keep writing. We need reasonable voices on this side of the fence.

  2. have one for me, since I can’t eat them anymore! 😦

  3. Thanks, Brad.

    Janice, sorry to hear you can’t have them.

  4. “I thought about going with just one bath per week but then I realized that there are other environmental factors at stake besides water.”


  5. Thanks , it’s not as bad as I thought it would , at times 😉

  6. I love when you write with this style. That’s some funny stuff!! 🙂

  7. Write on! I love your way of thinking.

  8. Relax and take one day at a time Bro Gordon that is what I have to do and all them commercials are pure torture !!! Blessings. Ron.

  9. Bobby, does “priceless”=”free”?

    Janice, it’s amazing what we can get used to, isn’t it?

    Steve, I enjoy it myself. I wish I could write this way all the time.

    Beverly, I hope you had a nice trip.

    Bro. Ron, McD’s commercials no longer hold any appeal for me. I can only be tempted by real Angus beef that is fattened on soy beans raised in… I better not finish that statement. It might get me in trouble with the “green police”. 😎

  10. Tim A. Blankenship

    Love the humor. I got what you were saying about the “Leaves” also. That was “One horse”, you know, “Unique”.
    I wonder if being “green” might be associated with the green men from mars? 🙂

  11. This is some great stuff, Gordon. I think you pretty much nailed my sentiments on the head.

    My boss and I had an argument…er…excited discussion… about Gore and his message. For some reason my boss could not understand that he and I agree on energy and environmental conservation. He felt that, just because I can’t stand hearing it from the ex-VP, then I am must not be environmentally conservative.


  12. I’ll bet you can preach one humorous sermon…:)

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