Anybody Want a Kitten?

It all started with a new couch. Our old couch had been with us for a number of years and had outlived its usefulness. My wife decided that she wanted a new couch for Christmas. We saved and shopped (and shopped and shopped…) I found several that I thought slept (SAT, I mean sat) pretty good, but she had her heart set on a leather sofa. We finally found one that looked good, was comfortable and didn’t cost more than the rest of our furniture combined.

I need to back up here and tell you about our cat, Marshmallow (she is a reprobate). She was born to our old cat KiKi (who hated me) about two years ago. When she was born, she was pure white and looked just like a fluffy little marshmallow, so my boys (of catfishing fame) wanted to name her Marshmallow. When she was about 5 weeks old, her mother disappeared. That should have been my first clue that this cat was trouble.

This cat loves to irritate me. I have never done anything to her (okay, not much anyway). Her favorite trick is to wait for me to fall asleep in my easy chair and then knock my drink over on me. Let me tell you, friend, you haven’t lived until you are resting easy in the Lazy-boy on Sunday afternoon and suddenly are deluged in ice water. There are times when this reprobate cat really gets on my nerves.

Now, back to the couch. We had just brought this beautiful new couch into our home, when I found this reprobate sharpening her claws on it. Nice little scratches on the nice new sofa. In the heat of the moment I picked this cat up and immediately (and relatively gently, I might add) banished her to the outdoors. I think I failed to mention that since we always kept her indoors, we had never bothered to have her spayed. You guessed it.

Over the past two months, this cat has gotten progressively bigger. Her growing belly indicated that soon we would be blessed (?) with some cute little furry reprobates. Her belly kept growing and growing until she reached the size of a bowling ball (not exaggerating). She could no longer walk straight, only wobble.

Not being well versed in feline obstetrics, I decided to do a little research. I have recently been discovering the joys of Wikipedia and so looked up what they had to say about it. Let me tell you that while they certainly are informative, they are in now wise infallible. I will elaborate.

This pool of knowledge told me that most cats on their first litter will usually produce 3 or 4 kittens. I breathed a sigh of relief. That wasn’t too bad, we could probably find homes in our neighborhood for that many without too much trouble. Besides, it would be “educational” for my boys.

Imagine my surprise, when yesterday morning, she gave birth to not 3 or 4 or 5 or 6, but 7 (read SEVEN!) little reprobates. I may sue Wikipedia.

Does anybody want a kitten…please?


31 responses to “Anybody Want a Kitten?

  1. As Bob Barker would say, “Remember to spay or nueter your pets”.

    Did I spell all that right?

  2. no way!!!! I have a pregnant pomerainian right now and I don’t think she would care to have a cat imposing upon her territory! lol

  3. Gordon, it sounds as though you have a CATastrophy.

  4. Two words for you: Ha Ha!

  5. I hate cats. In my defense, they hated me first.

    But in the spirit of kindness, if you’ll fax one over to me, I’ll take it.

    (My daughter’s cat used to sleep on the couch behind my neck, awaken, stretch, slap me on the back of the neck and tear on down the hallway, with me in hot persuit. I never caught her.)

  6. Thank you all for the Christian sympathy.

  7. Hey, just think of it this way: free lunch and dinner for a few days! ha ha. Hope you have a variety of recipes!

  8. Bro. Gordon I sent you an email that might help you in making your decision of what to do with kittens. Those of you that would like to view suggestion go to browser and type in and click on [KITTEN FROM HEAVEN .] Lots of luck with Kittens. Have a good day ! RON

  9. My Dog would like it !

    she loves to play with them 🙂

  10. I am a dog person.

  11. I laughed all the way through that.

    Thanks, but we already have one, and we throw him off the bed about 5 times a night.


  12. Blue light special–two for the price of one. (And you are going to love the price of one).

  13. Bro. Ron, I checked out that link. That’s not a bad idea. Y’all watch out for low-flying kittens.

  14. Ohhh! I would love a kitten but my husband would have my hide! He can’t stand the one cat I talked him into!
    Btw – ours is declawed so he can’t scratch our furniture – and he’s also all white. 🙂

  15. haha, congrats on being a grandparent! you should contact your parents and tell them congrats, they’re great-grands now! lol

    and, i understand – we’ve raised like 4 generations of cats in less than 5 years! unfortunately (for my little sis) they all disappeared and sadly the last litter got eaten by a dog at my aunt’s house while we were on vacation – yes, my aunt was sooooo upset and almost ready to sue the owner of the dog!

    just don’t take the poor things and dump them off somewhere to fend for themselves, i’ve seen too many people do that to the poor little things!

  16. Meagan if I dump them anywhere it will be in the pond. (Just kidding)

  17. My sitsers (I have 4) and mum are all ‘cat people’ I am not. I am a dog person. At on time when I was growing up I shared my family home with upwards of 10 cats. It started so innocently with my little sister finding a kitten on the side of the road and asking with her six year old pouty face “can I keep it mum?” (Dad would have said no)
    I feel your pain gordon.
    But Nelson Munce says it best.
    “HA! Ha.”

  18. i really needed a good laugh today, so thanks for sharing your heart and life. sometimes God’s humor is great!

    hope things are good for you other than the CATastrophy.


  19. MDM–thanks for the empathy there, Brother.

    Lisa–I will be glad to share my heart, my life, my kittens… (how many do you want?)

    Things are going well. Good to see you around.

  20. Since WH and DH are lucky enough for Cuffy and I to own them, no more cats are needed. Thank you just the same.


  21. ROFLOL…LOL…I can barely breather to write…LOL…that’s what you get for ejecting the offending feline from the domicile…LOL…it would have been easier to just take her in to be declawed…LOL…email me a few…LOL

  22. This is from the GRANDFATHER! I am delightd for you Gordon,(as long as you keep them at your house). No cat visiting please. All of your story, brings back memories of the traveling days we had with cats, dogs, and what ever happened to the lizard?

  23. Gordon,

    Better you than me. Our “too-young-to-get-pregnant” kitty gave birth early Sunday morning. God blessed us with three new little kitties. Doesn’t Scripture say something about God not giving us any more than we can handle?! 😉

  24. Jazzy–you could be the top cat in a large kingdom of cats if you took these.

    Bonnie–I have a pair of pliers, will that work?

    Daddy–Not sure where the lizard went, but if you want to be a blessing, surprise Mama with a kitten.

    Ken–I’m not sure that kittens fall into the context of that verse.

  25. missmellifluous

    Perhaps you could dump them at no average girl’s aunt’s house and hope the neighbour’s dog still has a taste for young felines.

    Sorry I can’t help you. Although I suppose you could post them to Australia with the aim of giving some to me. I’m sure they’ll get intercepted by customs and neither of us will have to worry about them.

  26. Ouch!!! Cruelty to animals!!!SPCA here we come!

  27. missmellifluous

    I know, Bonnie, I don’t know what came over me – I love cats!

  28. Actually, until Bonnie mentioned the whole cruelty thing I was contemplating your idea missmellifluos.

    I guess my boys will just have to go door to door with pitiful looks on their faces until we find homes for all of them. 🙂

  29. Gordon, if I lived near you, I’d take a couple of kittens off your hands. I am a cat lover, unlike many of yuor readers…maybe I don’t really belong in this blog. We had a cat for 18 years…that is, I did. We got her for my daughter. Daughter grew up and moved away, and then my husband died four years ago, so it was just me and the cat until this last year when she breathed her last.

    If you give them a chance, they are company and comforting.

    No, I’m not particularly a Gator fan, even though I’m a Florida native. Son David went to Penn State, so I’ve never developed a loyalty to Florida or FSU.

    I do so enjoy your blog…

  30. Beverly, thanks for your visits and your comments. It really is amazing how attached you can get to animals. Despite my comments, I have had cats for most of my life. They are nice to have around (except when they knock your ice water over on you.)

    Glad you enjoy the blog.

  31. Pingback: Weekend Survey « Heavenly Heartburn

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